Ralphie Syndrome

If you haven't seen "A Christmas Story" then I hereby consider you too far out of the loop to continue reading this post.

I mean, come on--it runs for 24-hours straight during Christmas.

I feel a special connection to this movie because it's set in my stomping grounds: northwest Indiana. More specifically, it's set in Hammond, a stone's throw away from my front door.

But this post is not a movie review or some syrupy nostalgic journey down memory lane. I have discovered a relevant connection to the job search and this immortal cinematic experience.

In the movie (and yes, I will explain in case you didn't take my advice and are still reading without having a clue as to what this movie is about...which by the way, shame on you for 1.) not ever seeing it and 2.) not listening...but I digress...), Ralphie, the main character through which the story is told, wants a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas. After every request he's met with the same roadblock: "You'll shoot your eye out kid."

Even Santa agrees, and proceeds to kick Ralphie down a very long slide and back into his sad reality.

But Ralphie is persistent, going so far as to write an essay arguing his choice for a Christmas present.

This is where the job-hunt comparison begins. So listen up, kids.

Before turning in his "theme" (that's what they called essays back in the day...even when I was a kid in the 80's...), Ralphie imagines his teacher's joy in reading what he considers to be the best essay ever. After failing the rest of the class in Ralphie's daydream, his teacher, Miss Shields, comes to Ralphie's essay. In his work she finds relief and adoration, going to far as to give him an A + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +...writing the pluses on the walls of the classroom.

The class cheers. Ralphie is a hero. He has turned in the best essay ever written.

In his mind, he has written the most amazing theme in the history of the 4th grade, nay, the world.

Unfortunately, Ralphie's expectations are quickly shattered when he receives a "C" on the paper and a little note from Miss Shields: "You'll shoot your eye out."

What does all of this have to do with the job hunt? (I can hear you asking, Sally. Be patient. I'm getting there...)

I have sent out many resumes and with them have included what I considered to be a very unique and effective cover letter. I've had visions of sugarplums...wait, wrong story, visions of potential employers walking out of their offices upon reading the thing and holding a ticker-tape parade all the way to my front door: "Hip hip hooray! Tiffany is what we've been waiting for!"

Unfortunately, like Ralphie, I've only been met with, well, not even a "C" and a little note. I've been met with crickets. Silence. Nothing.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not arrogant. I know that my work isn't the freshest, best thing the world has ever seen, but I did think it was a unique and effective approach. And, I wasn't asking for a weapon that could possibly lead to the need for a glass eye. I was asking for a chance to get to know me. An opportunity to just give me a chance to show a prospective employer that I just might be someone they would find helpful.

Ralphie Syndrome.

That's what it is. It's thinking that your dreams and your approach mean as much to everyone else as they do to you. But the harsh reality is that it simply isn't true.

Sometimes you're forced to stand in humiliation a la a pink bunny suit before your hard work and determination pays off.

In the movie, Ralphie gets his BB gun, and oddly enough he does in fact injure his eye. (He also drops the F-bomb...another feeling often associated with job-search rejection...)

I guess all I can do is continue to better my techniques and go through some humiliation and defeat before it all pays off. Only I truly hope the big payoff doesn't result in ocular injury...

Frizzy AND Frazzled...

I have a hair appointment in two weeks...which is far too far ahead as far as I'm concerned. I woke up this morning resembling a poodle with mange, mixed with a cockatoo. It's brilliant. Luckily I'm not short on hair ties and gel and was able to coax it into less of an explosion on my head.

In addition to having a mad case of frizz, I also have an equally awful case of "frazz."

Okay, so I am fully aware that "frazz" is not a word. But if kids these days can shorten "whatever" to "whatevs" then I find it completely plausible to shorten "frazzled" to "frazz" via use of my creative license.

Why so frazzled? Well, the job-search is not going so well, Sally. That's right. I've sent, I've contacted, I've marketed myself, I've done it all.

All I have to show for it are a few automated email responses and one hand-addressed postcard. (I'm actually pretty impressed about the latter. It shows that at least someone actually looked at what I sent in order to find my mailing address.)

But that's it. Not a single internship or job for which I have applied has shown any semblance of results. I'm running out of options here.

So here I sit, with frizzy hair and a frazzled mind just trying to keep it all together.

It ain't easy.

But I look on the bright side: if it keeps up at this rate, the worst that could happen is that I could end up simply pulling out all of my hair in frustration...so long as it's before I go to the stylist I can't see being much worse than my current style (or lack thereof)...

Jumping Through Hoops

Literally. That's right, I've started a new hobby: hoop dancing. It's a combination of dancing and exercise and really it's just plain fun. Five minutes of keeping the hoop up and practicing new tricks, and your blood is pumping, your heart is racing, and any other issues that you met during the day are far off in the back of your mind and out of the way.

Of course there is a bigger benefit than all of that, too.

When I was in school I had to remain focused and to constantly absorb and implement new information and strategies. It was like exercise for my brain. But since I've graduated, keeping up with that cerebral stimulation is a bit more difficult. Between parenting and my part-time job, as well as my other regular duties like chores---oh yeah, and the job hunting---because there is no school to force me to focus, it's now completely up to me.

In addition to reading up on things related to my chosen career path (so far I've completed The Elements of Style by Strunk & White and am 3/4ths of the way through How to Succeed in Advertising When All You Have is Talent by Laurence Minsky and Emily Thornton Calvo; I'm still waiting to hear from Borders about Pick Me! Breaking into Advertising and Staying There by Nancy Vonk and Janet Kestin--I ordered it a month ago...), I've found that learning a new hobby like hooping is helping me to keep my mind sharp and my motivation level high.

You see, when I hoop I set goals for myself. I visualize a new trick or move and I repeat it...over...and over...and over, until, inevitably, I can do it. Okay, so I'm not an instant success. I've found that it's still if-y when I try and lift the hoop from my waist to over my head, but I can do it. More important, I keep doing it. I do it until my legs are aching and my hips are bruised. I don't tell myself that I'll never be able to do it. I tell myself that eventually it will feel like second nature.

Practicing this type of discipline is beneficial (in my humble opinion), especially when it comes to the job hunt. It keeps you sharp and it keeps you positive. It also shows you that with a little work, anything is possible.

I started hooping two weeks ago. The first time I tried it, I could barely keep the hoop up for thirty seconds, and forget changing planes (that means changing the plane of the hoop from being level with your hips to either rotating up toward the ceiling or downward toward the floor).

Two weeks later, the hoop has become an extended part of my anatomy. When it's around my waist it feels natural and keeping it up (heck, even bringing it back up if it slips) is as second nature as raising my arms, smiling, or kicking. I've even learned how to successfully change planes.

I'm not explaining all of this to brag about my progress, because in reality I have a looooooong way to go. I'm explaining this because it proves that with a little effort, results can be seen in a matter of time---no matter what it is you're trying to accomplish.

When you take that understanding and carry it with you during the job search, the whole process becomes much less daunting. Eventually something wonderful will come from your efforts.

My suggestion, whether you're looking for a career after graduation or in general, or you're looking to move up in your current field, is to start a new hobby. Not only will it help take a bit of the pressure off, but you learn a new skill and you build up your motivation...in every aspect of your life.

Now get crackin'! (And if anyone chooses to go into putting ships in bottles, let me know. I want to see how it's done...)

It's like dating...sort of.

I realized yesterday as I checked my email for the 4,009,993rd time that searching for a job is a lot like dating.

I've been out of the dating pool for two years now, but when I was there I was in neck-deep.

Sending out resumes and contacting employers is just like going out on a first date with a potential suitor. After it's sent, it's very similar to the morning after--in more ways than one.

If you felt that what you submitted was exceptionally great, you're sitting around waiting for that employer to call. It consumes you a bit. You try to pretend that you're distracting yourself, but really in the back of your mind it's still there.

Then you begin over thinking: "I think my cover letter contained a comma splice!", "I shouldn't have listed my time spent as a cat wrangler under 'Relevant Experience'.", "Crap. Did I give them the right contact information?", "Maybe their email and phone system is down.", "Maybe MY email and phone system is down."

It's a ruthless, never ending cycle.

Or perhaps you pushed the envelope. Perhaps you decided to try and blow away the competition with some wacky, off-the-wall approach. It's akin to a one-night-stand in the way that in both situations, once you realized that perhaps it wasn't the best idea, the next morning you're doing a red-faced walk of shame. (Okay, maybe not a "walk" per say, but your mind is backtracking to the point when you decided that sending a life-sized cardboard cutout of yourself to a potential boss was a good way to get his or her attention. Unfortunately, at that moment your perceived brilliance masked the fact that there are two types of attention: good and bad.)

It's been a week since I sent out the first onslaught of resumes and cover letters and I still haven't heard from anyone--besides the MLM scams and "Entry-level Marketing Management" opportunities that require you go door-to-door selling knick-knacks and pens...for no base pay.

So here I am, just like back in my dating days, constantly placing blame on myself for what I MUST be doing wrong to not get any callbacks.

Was it my hair? Perhaps I misused a semicolon? Did I come on too strong?

I suppose my only saving grace is the fact that I spent a lot of time in the dating pool, was met with a lot of rejection (although, I did some rejecting myself...), and learned quite a bit about not blaming myself for circumstances beyond my control. And eventually I was able to climb out of those murky waters with a really great guy , my confidence in tact, and a deeper understanding of who I truly was and what I deserved.

I'm hoping that the outcome of my job search will be similar...but without the awkward silences and broccoli stuck between my teeth.

Sea Turtles - 1/22/08

I came up with an analogy based on an analogy (now that's redundant, isn't it?) that my boyfriend suggested. As we were talking about sending out resumes and cover letters he told me that the process was akin to something that I can't quite remember now. (It's not that it was a bad analogy, dear, but it's still early and I can't bring it to the front of my mind...)

I thought about what he had said and I came up with my own comparison.

If you're like me, immersed in world of employment, you've probably worked very hard to not only craft your documents but your approach, as well. Countless hours have been spent researching and editing, formatting and spellchecking, etc., etc.

And then, you toss them out there into the world, waiting anxiously for a bite. Which reminds me, that was my boyfriend's analogy: Sending a resume is like casting a line and waiting for a bite. (See, I told you I'd remember.)

Although I agree, I think it goes a bit deeper than that. I think the process is more like baby sea turtles.

Momma Sea Turtle lays her eggs in the sand with the hopes that they will be safe and protected until her baby sea turtles hatch and make their long journey for the sea.

I work tediously preparing and perfecting my resume and cover letter and send them out through email or regular mail, hoping that they survive. Not survive in the sense that they don't get lost in the mail or end up buried in a Spam folder, but in the sense that they accomplish their goal: to snag an interview with a company that I have researched and really want to work with.

Hundreds of sea turtle eggs hatch and hundreds of tiny sea turtles make their way to shore. Nevertheless, only a handful survive.

The same holds true for the resumes and cover letters. Hundreds are sent out, but maybe only ten are read. And of those ten, maybe two will prove worthy of an interview.

Momma Sea Turtle doesn't know who made it in the vast ocean and who didn't, unless one day she's swimming along and bumps into one of her offspring.

We as job seekers often don't know what impact (or lack thereof) our resumes and cover letters had on a prospective employer unless we get an interview, or at the very least a rejection letter. In today's fast-paced world where the competition is fierce and overly abundant, there often isn't time to contact each and every applicant for a specific job. In that respect, when it comes to our countless resumes, we job seekers are like that Momma Sea Turtle, not knowing what became of eggs 23, 76, and 109. We hope that they didn't suffer. We hope that they're in that Prospective Employee file cabinet in the sky.

Every time we lick that envelope or hit "Send" we're sending out a little piece of ourselves with no guarantee of a warm welcome or even with some sort of apologetic sympathy.

But we have to keep doing it. Because the smallest sea turtle that makes it to shore can grow to enormous proportions. And that's what we all hope for when we send out those resumes: a chance for something bigger.